“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control]. 2 Timothy 1:7 (AMP)
While attempting to clean out some rooms in my house and throw things away, I began to make separate piles of things to keep. My daughter, who was supposedly helping me, stopped me and said, “Mom, you don’t need that.” I quickly relied that I might need it again as I continued sorting through and separating my things. My daughter continued telling me what I didn’t need, won’t wear again, asking me what am I saving things for, so on and so on. She then went on to tell me, “Mom, you’re a hoarder. You have been keeping things for years that you don’t need, just through them away.”
This statement stung in more ways than you could ever imagine. It’s true, I do hold onto things that I believe are great in case I need them later. When will later come, who knows, but I will keep it until that time. I thought of the television show, Hoarders, in which many people were nearly buried alive in things they felt they needed and could not let go of. I call it trapped in their own spaces, unable to truly function beyond those walls.
Later, I began to think further about what my daughter said to me. “Mom, you’re a hoarder.” Little did she or I know it would make me search my Spiritual life. In my own words, I described hoarders as being trapped in their own spaces, unable to truly function beyond those walls, well I have been living inside my walls of what I call protection for years. Trapped by the fear of totally trusting another. Guarding myself with pieces of my past. Limiting my relationships and depriving myself of developing what could become promising and rich.
I recall being hurt from a guy I was in a relationship with. When we separated, I dated a few very nice guys who I already knew liked me, but nothing serious. When the previous relationship I was in resumed, I secretly refused to get rid of the phone numbers of the other guys because, well, we had a great time and, of course, I felt I might need them later. This hold went on for years and in essence, prevented me from developing a healthy relationship with the one I was with.
I realized after talking to my daughter that day, that there are always things we need to let go of. In my case it was the fear to trust. This fear spoke to my lack of trust in God. That day of cleaning my house, my outer dwelling helped me realize that I should also remember to clean my inner dwelling in order to stay free of clutter and to trust God. I refuse to be a hoarder and not enjoy what God has for me outside of my walls.